Miss Terry and I spent more than 18 years traveling from border to border and sea to shining sea during our life as fulltime RVers, and when it was time to hang up the keys, we bought a house on Florida’s central coast.
Why, you ask? What made us decide on Florida over other places we visited and loved? Why not the Pacific Northwest coast, where we spent many summers flying kites and enjoying its wild beauty? Why not back in our old hometown of Show Low, Arizona to be near my daughter and grandkids? Or Rockport, Texas, another popular stop on our travels?
Was it the warm weather in Florida? Beautiful beaches just minutes from our front door? The fabulous fishing? All of those things are great, but as an author, one of the greatest things about Florida is that I never have to do more than turn on the local news for great story fodder. Consider just a few bizarre stories from our adopted state. And if you think I’m making these up, click the links for the full story.
Man Wakes Up To Find Burglar Sucking His Toes – No, it wasn’t Santa that paid a late night visit to one Florida man on Christmas Eve. https://www.wfla.com/news/local-news/manatee-county/florida-man-wakes-up-to-find-burglar-sucking-his-toes-deputies-say/
Naked Man Bites Police Dog – I don’t know, maybe the dog would have preferred to have its toes sucked. Or maybe not. https://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/nyc-crime/ny-florida-man-police-dog-meth-bites-20200104-x66czekmbrbyfpy4gt63r5yuj4-story.html
Police Respond To Cries For Help And Meet A Talkative Parrot – I guess I’d rather deal with a loud mouthed parrot than a toe sucking burglar. https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2020/01/06/florida-police-respond-911-call-after-parrot-cries/2822586001/
Florida Woman Claims Wind Blew Cocaine Into Her Purse – Sure it did. Here’s your sign! https://www.abcactionnews.com/news/state/florida-woman-claims-wind-blew-cocaine-into-her-purse
Drunk Man Mistakes Bank Drive-Thru For A Taco Bell – And I bet he didn’t even get fries with his chalupa. https://www.bradenton.com/news/local/crime/article195482099.html
Opossum Breaks Into Florida Liquor Store – Not only did it break in, it was drunker than a skunk when cops responded. (See what I did there?) https://www.cbsnews.com/news/opossum-breaks-into-florida-liquor-store-gets-drunk/
Airplane Hits 500-Pound Alligator – In the big reptile’s defense, he was moving slow because he had been out drinking with a possum the night before https://www.clickorlando.com/news/2017/06/07/plane-hits-kills-500-pound-alligator-at-orlando-executive-airport/
Golf Cart Chop Shop – The Villages is an upscale retirement community in Central Florida, but I guess you can find crime everywhere these days. https://www.wftv.com/news/local/deputies-in-the-villages-bust-suspected-drug-house-golf-cart-chop-shop/536991140/
Romance And STD’s Keep Retirees Busy – Some people in The Villages are too busy doing the nasty to have time to steal golf carts. https://nypost.com/2009/01/25/retire-to-the-bedroom/
Deputy Accused Of Pawning Guns – Maybe he thought he was an English Bobby and didn’t need one. https://www.wesh.com/article/sumter-county-deputy-accused-of-pawning-stolen-guns/13083288
Stolen Stripper Money Goes To Home Depot – Did you ever wonder where that $10 bill you got as change has been? https://www.orlandosentinel.com/features/gone-viral/fl-pn-stripper-fees-embezzled-20170901-story.html
Car Carrying Propane Tank Explodes When Woman Lights Cigarette – This is why we have warning labels on products. https://www.foxnews.com/us/florida-couple-transporting-grill-injured-after-suv-explodes-when-woman-lights-cigarette
15 Pounds Of Frozen Sausage Crashes Into Family’s Roof – Just in time for breakfast! – https://www.clickorlando.com/strange-florida/2017/07/18/15-pounds-of-frozen-italian-sausage-crashes-on-florida-familys-roof/
Yeah, it’s great story fodder, but if I ever used any of this in one of my books people would say I was stretching the bonds of fiction way too far.
Thought For The Day – Sometimes you have to hug the people you don’t like so you know how big to dig the hole in your backyard.