It’s been a while since I’ve shared one of my Nick Happens stories, which are a collection of my adventures and misadventures over the years. Today I thought I’d tell you about an RV trip we took to Maine early in our fulltime RVing days, and how I wound up a drag queen.
Maine was a real treat for us in many ways. Miss Terry spent some time living in Maine as a little girl and was looking forward to going back and exploring an area that is a part of her earliest memories. Unbeknownst to us, the Escapees RV Club’s Chapter 3 was holding a rally at the Red Barn Campground in Holden, just a few miles from Bangor, where Terry’s father had been stationed for three years during part of his Air Force career.
We arrived at the campground and were greeted by owners Phil and Belinda Robinson, who directed us to a nice site with water and electric. Before we were even backed into our space, Escapees we had never met before and some who have been subscribers to the Gypsy Journal almost from the start were on hand to make us feel welcome. This is one of the nicest things about the Escapees RV Club – wherever two or more Escapees meet up in their travels, it is a family reunion. We got settled in and prepared to spend a few days at the rally and getting to know the area.
One regular feature of the Chapter 3 Rally is the annual Miss Brewer Beauty Contest, in which male club members are selected to dress in women’s clothes for an hour or so of complete silliness. Wouldn’t you know I was one of the hapless guys roped into these shenanigans? One minute I had a nice lady asking me if I wanted to have a little bit of fun, and would I have a problem getting undressed to have said fun, and before I could explain to her that I am a blissfully happy married man, I was struggling my way into a brassiere and pantyhose while someone was slapping lipstick and rouge on me. The next thing I knew I was strutting my stuff in front of a crowd of hooting, hollering animals who were reaching out to grope me as I passed! I tell you, I haven’t felt so much like a piece of meat since my first day in prison!
I came in second in the beauty contest, following on the heels of the winner, Raunchy Rhonda. Obviously, anybody who is willing to shake his/her balloon boobs in everyone’s face and jiggle the jewel in their hairy belly button is going to attract the votes of the baser elements in any crowd. But I wasn’t going to play that game, even if it cost me the crown. There is a difference between being flirtatious and being downright slutty. You wouldn’t catch me sitting there with my knees wide apart. No sir, my legs were crossed at the ankles. I may be a drag queen for a day, but I’m a lady!
The front of the office/store combination at Red Barn Campground facing the highway was a diner that was closed for the season, while the registration office faced the driveway on the side. We used the diner as a dressing room. I couldn’t help wondering what would happen if some innocent RVer pulled into the campground looking for a nice place to spend a few days and came to the wrong door by mistake and ran into a bunch of middle aged men in various stages of undress in women’s clothes. He would probably go tearing out of the place and wouldn’t stop driving until he hit New Hampshire!
I have to give the ladies in my reading audience credit. I came away with a newfound respect for what they have to go through on a daily basis. As a young man I spent a lot of time trying to lure innocent young women out of some of those mysterious garments they wear. I thought that was hard enough, but I had no idea what a chore just getting into them is! Maybe they weren’t rejecting me as much in my misspent youth as they were just trying to save themselves from the ritual of dressing again afterward. And to think I wasted all of that money on therapy for so many years.
Except for one failed appearance before my local Draft Board many years ago, this was my only experience in drag, but I think, like the old song goes, I enjoy being a girl! So much so that we later included our own beauty contests at our Gypsy Journal rallies for many years.
Congratulations Ray Grassman, winner of our drawing for an audiobook of Iron 13, Bullet Books Speed Reads #2 by Manning Wolfe and Billy Kring. We had 47 entries this time around. Stay tuned, a new contest starts soon.
Thought For The Day – I told my psychiatrist that I’ve been hearing voices. He told me I don’t have a psychiatrist.