A while back, I wrote a blog post titled What Do You Want For Christmas?, and a number of you shared what you hope to find under your tree come Christmas morning. So today, since all I really have to write about is that I’ve been working on the paper and making headway, I thought it would be fun to share some of the worst Christmas gifts we have ever received. You know, those things that you tear the wrapping paper off of and think “Huh? What in the world am I supposed to do with this?”
Yeah, I know, we’re supposed to be grateful for whatever we get and accept it with grace and all of that, but let’s be honest here, we all have gotten a gift or two over the years that really made us question the reasoning of the person who gave it to us, or at least wonder if they even know us! I know I have.
Now, I’m not talking about the aftershave and ties all Dads get from their kids. Those don’t count. Unless your kids are in their thirties and should know better. I’m talking about the gifts that come from people who probably should have just stayed home and watched reruns of How The Grinch Stole Christmas, instead of going to all of the trouble to get dressed, leave the house, and fight the crowds to buy that!
And fruitcake doesn’t count! Fruitcake is not a Christmas gift! There have only been 250 fruitcakes ever made, and they just get regifted over and over every year, because nobody actually wants to eat the darn things!
I’ve gotten my share of strange gifts over the years. Maybe more than my share. I had an aunt who always sent me a popcorn ball every Christmas. It always came wrapped in a big box, inside of which was a smaller wrapped package, which held an even smaller wrapped box. Usually three or four boxes that I had to get through to finally reach that same dumb popcorn ball. And it was always stale! I think she made a couple million of them up about the time Truman left office, and sent them out to everybody in the family every year. Yes, everybody in the family. My mom, my dad, my sister – every Christmas we each got a box inside a box inside a box, until we eventually got down to that damn popcorn ball!
One year, one of my employees gave me a baseball cap with a screen printed picture of a golfer. Why a golfer? I’ve never played golf. I’ve never expressed an interest in golf. Why not a fisherman, or a hunter, or a fat guy sitting on a couch? A golfer?
My first mother-in-law was the stereotypical one from hell that we all hear about, and that woman did not like me even one tiny bit. But my father-in-law at the time was a really nice guy, and he made her buy everybody in the family a gift every year, even though I don’t think she really liked any of us, even her own kids. But I knew I occupied a special place on her list, because one year she sent me an onion. A big, raw Bermuda onion. If you send a guy who is deathly allergic to onions an onion for Christmas, is there really more than one way to interpret it? Another year I got a used, rusty flashlight she had apparently picked up at a yard sale someplace. Perhaps the weirdest gift she gave me was a paintbrush. Yeah, that makes about as much sense as a golfer’s baseball cap, doesn’t it?
So how about you? Come on, don’t be shy. What’s the worst Christmas gift you’ve ever received?
Thought For The Day – Be careful about reading the fine print. . . . there’s no way you’re going to like it.