We have had a population explosion of mosquitoes here in Elkhart this summer. We’ve been coming here to Elkhart Campground for years, and I don’t ever remember them being so numerous or so hungry.
I have heard about a million and one ways to keep the bloodthirsty little parasites at bay, and trust me, none of them work. We have tried so many commercial sprays that my blood type is now A+DDT. We bought little battery operated electronic gizmos we can clip to our shirts that emit a high pitched noise that is supposed to keep bugs at bay. It hasn’t worked, but the good news is that nobody’s yappy little dog pees in our RV site anymore!
One time a bunch of us were sitting around telling lies and swatting skeeters, and a friend of mine who flew med-evac helicopters in Vietnam and worked as a prison guard, mentioned that if you put Avon Skin So Soft on, it will keep them at bay. Another gent, with a dry sense of humor, asked “Jim, how does a guy like you discover that?”
I long for the good old days, when we didn’t worry about the environment or our lungs, and the spray trucks would come through the neighborhood sending out clouds of gas guaranteed to kill mosquitoes, gnats, and flies. We kids used to chase the trucks, dodging into and out of the mist. Sure, my weird cousin Terry ended up with that third eye, and his son Patrick was born with nipples on his knees, but we didn’t have to swat mosquitoes!
But alas, we don’t have spray trucks anymore, so we have to make do. We’ve tried several types of citronella candles, with no success. However, I have found that if I fire up the old Detroit diesel engine on our bus conversion, I can lay down a fog that will wipe out an acre or two of mosquitoes in record time.
One person who never seems to be bothered is my pal Ed Allard, who stopped in last night with his lovely wife Alice. Ed is an honest seven feet tall, give an inch or so, and while the rest of us were brushing the bothersome critters away from our faces, Ed was perfectly comfortable. I guess mosquitoes don’t fly that high. Either that, or they get a nosebleed at that elevation, get lightheaded and crash before they reach his neckline.
The latest thing we are trying is a concoction that our friend Billie Barker came up with, a solution of Downy fabric softener and water in a spray bottle, which the ladies sprits over everybody. It smells much better than Deep Woods Off, though the other day I turned my head just as Brenda Speidel was squirting some at me and took a shot of it into the eye. The cops ought to throw away their pepper spray and use this stuff! It’s a lot cheaper, and belligerent prisoners would smell wonderful once they wrestled them into handcuffs.
Oh, how does it work as a mosquito deterrent? Not worth a darn. There are just as many as before swarming around us when we sit out every evening. But I will say this; I haven’t spotted one yet with any wrinkles!
Thought For The Day – It’s not hard to meet expenses, they’re everywhere.